Remember those funny moments
Michelle Blaylock, Mom's Corner
I was talking to a lady the other day and she asked where I lived. My first thought was to say "Toddler Land." I guess that's because my life does tend to revolve around my kids. As we talked more she asked how many children I had. I replied six. She looked at me and responded, "You know they do have something called birth control."
I just laughed and told her that I actually only "had" three and the other three I adopted. Then she really looked at me like I was crazy. Some days I do wonder about my intelligence, but I have learned a lot from my children. Let me share some examples with you.
One of the first things I learned was that young children are very literal. When my third child was born, my second child was about two. I had just changed the baby and folded up the diaper. I handed it to my son and said, "Honey, can you get rid of this for Mommy?" He took the diaper and got rid of it.
Did you know it costs about $150 to get a diaper out of the main drain line in a house? When I saw the diaper gel coming out of the drain as the plumbers where flushing it, I immediately remembered what I had said. I went to my son and asked him exactly how he had gotten rid of the diaper. He very proudly replied, "I put it in the potty. That's where the yucky goes." Good grief.
Did you know that if you stick one end of a roll of toilet tissue in the toilet and then flush that eventually the toilet will suck down the entire roll?
Did you know that if you don't flush the toilet enough after it has sucked down the roll of tissue that it will stop up?
Little boys love to play "sink the toilet paper" when potty training. (Make sure they understand that it has to be in the toilet first.)
I guarantee the day after your foster child falls off the school bus and lands face first on the pavement your social worker will call and tell you that the birth parents want to have a visit.
Cats do not like to have Vick's Vapor Rub smeared on them. (This is from a friend. Her girls heard the kitty sneeze and thought it had a cold.)
Cats who try to lick Vick's Vapor Rub off tend to need to go to the vet.
Stroller wheels can snap off when they are pushed off the concrete sidewalk and into a large hole filled with gravel. This is the pits when you are at a soccer field all day doing three games with a 14-month-old who doesn't walk yet.
Be very careful when letting a five-year-old push the stroller on a sidewalk.
Gifted children can have very stupid moments. (I know of two gifted kids–not kidding, a truly gifted one in math and one in language–who couldn't figure out how to cross a busy street at a crosswalk. I refer to this a giftedly stupid.)
Don't ever tell a gifted child to find something to entertain themselves–because they will. Did you know you can make a wagon traveling the Oregon Trail using a riding lawnmower with a trailer behind it?
Did you know that if you hit a VHS tape with a sledgehammer is will shatter into a million pieces?
Did you know that the tape from a VHS tape is long enough to stretch across an acre yard about three times?
Lawnmowers don't like VHS tape pieces. Talk about projectiles!
It is possible to use enough styling gel to keep a girl's hair up in a ponytail even after the elastic band has been removed.
Washing lots of styling gel out of very thick hair takes at least four shampoos.
Washing machines do not like 10-pound weights. I learned this one from hubby.
Husbands are like children. If you tell them to go "dump" a basket of laundry in the washing machine, they will do it. They will not notice the 10-pound weight that your four-year-old hid in the basket.
When a washing machine with a 10-pound weight in it goes into spin cycle and the end of the weight breaks off, there is enough force for it to go through the side of the washing machine. A husband's idea of "keeping the laundry caught up" and wife's idea are totally different.
If you have to be off your feet for a couple weeks after surgery and you ask your hubby if he's keeping the laundry caught up, and he says, "Don't worry, the kids are wearing clean clothes to school," you better worry.
It is a bad idea to try and do 10 loads of laundry in one day, two weeks after you've had neck surgery.
Did you know that a 5-year-old with a sinus infection has the capacity to cover the entire front of her flower girl dress when she sneezes?
Did you know that it takes an entire box of tissues to clean up the previously mentioned flower girl dress.
I admit that at the time most of these happened they were not all that funny, but they are now. Well, some of them anyway. What's my point? I try to remember these things because the children love to hear about things that happen to them (or more likely their siblings) when they were younger. Also, when I think I just about at the end of my rope and seriously began to contemplate running away to the Caribbean, I think about how funny the situation will be later–usually much, much later.
If you have a question, comment, or tip to share please send it to Mom's Corner; P.O. Box 1496; Hartselle, AL 35640 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.