Here's a finger-lickin' lawsuit

By By Tracy L. Brady, Hartselle Enquirer
Watch out America-John Banzhak, better known as the Tobacco Nazi, is on the prowl once again.
Banzhaf has fought the good battle against major tobacco companies since 1967 and succeeded.
Modern day smokers are bombarded with warnings and systematically shunned by society because of Banzhaf's efforts. But, lives have been saved and schools are getting richer off ever increasing tobacco taxes.
With that done, Banzhaf got a little bored and decided to spearhead another campaign to make self-indulgent Americans completely miserable.
He decided fat people, just like smokers, are victims of big business.
Caesar Barber, 56, a blue-collar worker and Bronx native who stands 5-foot-10 and weighs 270 pounds, claims McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and KFC are killing him with their cholesterol laden wares.
He, on behalf of the 61 percent of Americans who also carry a spare tire, filed a class action lawsuit last week in the New York State Supreme Court to stop the fast food moguls from inflicting any further harm.
Banzhaf, a professor at George Washington University Law School, will serve as an adviser to Barber.
Barber's lawsuit claims major fast food companies were negligent in selling foods high in fat, salt, sugar and cholesterol despite studies proving a link between consumption of these foods and major health problems.
Barber has personally suffered two heart attacks and is diabetic. His attorney and Banzhaf say he is entitled to unspecified damages at a jury trial.
"We know from tobacco litigation that initial suits have real difficulties because the public has real problems accepting new ideas and new concepts," Banzhaf said.
"It took us many years to get us to the point of educating juries about tobacco, so now they are. (Barber's suit) has a great deal of potential."
Yes, I have a real problem accepting the new idea that anyone but myself has contributed to my obesity.
Maybe I could blame my grandmother for that extra piece of cake she so lovingly scooted onto my plate every now and then, but I certainly wouldn't sue her for it.
Neither she nor Ronald McDonald have ever held a gun to my head and forced me to eat anything.
Every inch you can pinch on this big girl is because I put it pass my lips and led it straight to my hips, not because Colonel Sanders deviously led me to believe fried chicken is healthy.
If Barber and Banzhaf are intelligent enough to have read and understood studies linking fast food to health problems, then why aren't they intelligent enough to pack a lunch or choose a healthy salad from the menu?
What's worse, they assume I, as an obese person, am not intelligent enough to do the same.
Watch out America-the Food Nazi is on the prowl.
Smokers will soon have some company as healthy Americans begin to shun Fatty Arbuckle and schools will be ecstatic over fat taxes generated from Big Macs and 10 piece buckets of KFC.
As history undoubtedly repeats itself, maybe Banzhaf will bring back prohibition.
Then again, maybe a nicotine withdrawn, fat alcoholic will meet up with him in a dark alley before he gets the chance.

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Hartselle gears up for future growth: City seeks input for new comprehensive plan 

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Severe weather preparedness sales tax holiday begins tomorrow

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

‘I hope it fuels them’: Hartselle turns focus to next season after Elite Eight loss

At a Glance

Students advance to final round in 3D CAD competition

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Woman accused of pushing Hartselle woman off cliff writes letter to judge 

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Hartselle Drama makes a splash with “The SpongeBob Musical” 

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Hartselle woman marks 28th anniversary of heart transplant 

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Woman killed in Somerville house fire identified

At a Glance

Child Safety Conference set for March 5

Editor's picks

Decatur Morgan Hospital getting Safe Haven Baby Box 

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Annual tree giveaway set for March 6 

At a Glance

Hartselle native joins American Angus Association  

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

FlashFiber celebrates 10,000th customer 

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Alleged shooter in murder-for-hire case to stand trial in October 

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Garbage routes altered for Presidents Day

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

College Street Players to present magical production of Peter Pan Jr.  

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Hundreds dazzle at annual Cinderella Ball 

At a Glance

More I-65 paving planned for next week

Editor's picks

Tiger Paws roar to victory at national championships 

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Key surpasses Pouncey on all-time wins list

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

ALDOT to pave portions of I-65 South this week

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Meals on Wheels waiting list growing as funding reduced 

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Dream, Pitch, Win: Launch Tank competition now accepting applications

FRONT PAGE FEATURED

Priceville students visit HudsonAlpha Institute  

x