Killing plants, one bloom at a time

By Staff
Leada Gore, Editor
I stood on my back porch Monday, proudly admiring the literal fruits of my labor.
In one hand I held a green bell pepper. In the other hand, I had a large pimento pepper. I had grown them both, starting from just some small sprigs.
"Did you see these?" I asked Greg. "My peppers are doing way better than your tomatoes."
Greg was not impressed. There is good reason. I do not have a green thumb. In fact, my thumb is much, much darker. As a matter of fact, it's black.
The two peppers – yes, there are only two – are the first thing I have successfully grown since the time I decided to plant radishes only to realize I don't like radishes. (I don't like peppers, either, but that's beside the point.)
I've tried planting blueberries, a plum tree, cucumbers and various herbs. Most of them never poked their heads above the soil. The ones that did manage to make it above ground didn't live long, certainly not long enough to provide any fruits.
I don't have any better luck with flowers or house plants. I had a hibiscus that lived for a few years only to die an ignominious death when I left it out in the cold. Seems tropical flowers don't like to be left outside in the winter. Go figure.
I was recently given a plant I was assured could not be killed.
"Even you can grow this," she said.
I noticed a couple of weeks ago the indestructible plant was knocking on death's doorstep. I handed it over to Greg. He replanted it and it suddenly perked up and even bloomed.
I am starting to take it personally though it's obvious I just don't have the magic touch needed to make the plants bloom. Perhaps I don't water them enough or feed them correctly or talk to them with that certain tone of voice that encourages blooming and growth.
Maybe the plant just don't like me.
I think gardening is just one of those things that's not my cup of tea. Flowers are beautiful and I like fresh vegetables but the truth is, I think it's time to admit defeat. I can admire other people's pretty yards and their bountiful gardens but when it comes to me, I think I better leave the blooming things alone.
There is one plant, however, that has managed to survive in my office for the last seven years. It's tall and leafy and has survived summer, winter, spring and fall. It requires little upkeep, just an occasional dusting now and then. I love my plastic ficus tree and I think it loves me, too.
Or at least it likes me enough not to die. Killing a plastic plant would really be an ego-killer.

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