Viewing the history of glue…

By Staff
Leada Gore, Editor
The Gore family has a new role – TV critics. We got a call last week that we had been selected as a Nielsen family.
Nielsen Media Research conducts surveys of “typical” American families to determine what their television viewing habits are. If you agree to become a Nielsen family, you receive some notebooks in which you are to write what shows you watch over the course of the week. You also receive $5 in the form of five fresh $1 bills, though I’m not real sure why, unless this is your pay for taking part in the surveys.
The Nielsen people sent us three survey books, one for each television set in our house. I knew immediately this was two too many. Greg’s son, Derek, doesn’t spend all his time at our house and I’m afraid his book would include too many shows featuring people doing stupid tricks on skateboards.
Greg got his own book, too, but that’s basically pointless. Greg doesn’t know the airing times for his favorite shows or even their titles. Each night when he gets home he will ask me what comes on that night, usually followed by something like “Does Denny Crane come on tonight?” If it’s Tuesday, I tell him yes but don’t bother to point out the show is titled “Boston Legal” and not “Denny Crane,” which is the name of one of its characters.
When Greg does watch television, it’s usually something strange. That’s something I don’t want America’s researchers to know we’re watching, for fear they will continue to show such programming. The other night, I found him watching a show titled “The History of Glue.” I think I would be doing the world a favor if I did my part to eliminate such programming.
So I guess it’s up to me to represent the typical American family and its viewing habits. I’m not a huge television watcher but I do have my favorites. My problem is I hate commercials so I end up flipping the channels and missing some of the show I was watching. I also think instead of just listing the shows I watch, I will write down some suggestions, too.
I will scribble “Don’t let Meredith break up with McDreamy – again – on Grey’s Anatomy,” or “Please, please, do something about the people on the home shopping channels and tell them that a Seal-A-Meal isn’t going to change my life.”
My Nielsen ratings starts May 3 and runs for the next seven days. I’m going try and follow all the directions in completing the data but I can’t vouch for the others. They may be too distracted by the “History of Glue” to break away.

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