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Sympathy goes out to the new Apple baby

By Staff
Leada DeVaney, Editor
You may have read in the news recently that actress Gwynneth Paltrow and her husband named their baby daughter "Apple." I haven't heard any explanation for this admittedly fruity name, other than maybe they just liked it or perhaps they thought "Banana" was too long.
The child's middle name is "Blythe," after the actress' mother.
"Sounds like Apple Blight to me," my mother sniffed.
I didn't say anything or point out to my mother that she hadn't exactly selected the most normal name in the world for me. Leada is not Apple, but it's not the easiest thing to spell, either.
I feel sorry for little Apple. For the rest of her pampered life, the jealous kids at school are going to make fun of her.
"Didn't fall too far from the tree did you?" some smart aleck will say and everyone – including those who don't get the joke – will laugh at her.
The downsides to having a strange name are many, something I have learned and little Apple soon will.
While all your friends are walking around with their T-shirts emblazoned with "Tiffany" and "Brittany," you can never find anything bearing your name. The closest I ever came was a T-shirt with a big "L" on the pocket, but it just wasn't the same.
If you've got a strange name, you can also count on having it constantly misspelled and mispronounced.
I routinely get mail addressed to"Lita" and "Rita." A certain credit card company keeps sending mail to "Freda Delancey," and, frankly, I'm tempted to send in the application. Freda Delancey could run up quite a bill and Leada DeVaney wouldn't have to pay a thing.
A strange name always gets mispronounced, too. My most recent interpretation of my name is "Leader," as in "Follow the Leader." And, there's always the old standard, Lee-A-da, the result of my parent's creative spelling of what should have been Leda.
Apple may not have all these problems because her name is a common, easily spelled word. Her problem will come when someone tries to write her name and ends up translating it as "Alice" or some similar name simply because they can't believe anyone would be foolish enough to name their child Apple.
There are upsides to having an unusual name. You never have to worry about blending in with the 1,000 other Daltons, Trevors or Kellys out there.
Your name is unique and therefore, to some extent, you are, too. Still, every once and a while it would be nice to have a name that's easy to pronounce, spell and remember.
After all, you can only be called Freda Delancey so many times before you start taking it personally.
Right, Alice?