Dad getting a lot of nothing this holiday

By Staff
Leada DeVaney, Hartselle Enquirer
Every family has one. In our family, it's my dad.
"What would you like for Christmas?" I asked this weekend.
He replied with his standard answer.
"Nothing."
This officially makes the sixth year in a row my dad has asked for "nothing" for Christmas. This year, he expounded on that now-familiar wish list.
"I don't need any shirts or cologne or really anything," he said, as he proceeded to hand off some of his prized Alabama memorabilia to me. "I don't even have room for the stuff I have now."
This type of attitude makes Christmas shopping really hard. What do you get the person who wants nothing for Christmas?
With this great inspiration in mind, I headed off to the store, in search of well, I guess, nothing.
It wasn't easy to find.
The first find was a package of men's socks. Men's socks are all pretty much the same colors – brown, black and navy. There was one package with a rogue gray pair, but even that didn't seem to push that present over past the nothing category.
I kept searching.
Next to the socks was a package of men's handkerchiefs. I don't know what's different about them that designated them as men's handkerchiefs over women's, but that's what the package said.
I just didn't know about buying my dad handkerchiefs for Christmas. That seemed awfully grandpa-like and, even though he is one, he's not my grandpa.
It seems nothing was even harder to find than I imagined.
My dad's a golfer, so I thought I would look at a sporting goods store.There were plenty of golf do-dads, such as paper weights, light fixtures and bookends. They qualified as nothing, but not really in a good sense. I passed.
They did have some impressive-looking golf clubs. My dad has some nice golf clubs, though, including one I suspect cost about the same as my college education. The same man who spent half my childhood telling me to turn off lights when I left a room thought nothing of purchasing a Big Bertha driver.
Go figure.
Maybe I could get him a golf club. I looked over the shiny silver sticks, checking out the price tag. Those nothings sure cost a lost of something, so I abandoned that idea.
The search continued. There were CDs and videos, sweaters and ties, books and tools. Nothing fit the bill.
And maybe that's what dad will get this Christmas – nothing. I could wrap it up, put a bow on top and sign it to "Dad with love."
After all, that would be making his Christmas dream come true.

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