Slinging shoes and superstitions
Tracy L. Brady, Hartselle Enquirer
I've been thinking about Great Aunt Polly a lot lately.
According to my Grandmother Brady, I killed Aunt Polly.
Grandmother Brady was an extremely superstitious person and fervently believed if a person washed their laundry the Friday before or the Friday after Christmas, the launder would systematically wash some unfortunate soul right out of the family and out of human existence.
In my late teens, Grandma Brady caught me in the act of washing my dirty duds on the Friday before Christmas.
On New Year's Day, as my family and I sat eating our hog jowl and collard greens for good luck, Grandma Brady boldly announced that Aunt Polly had died that very morning-and her death was the result of my superstitious ignorance.
She forgot to add the part about Aunt Polly being in a very poor state of health for many years and suffering from Alzheimer's disease, but I'm sure my box of Tide and I were the most likely culprits.
Guilt has not caused Aunt Polly to plague my thoughts lately, but rather the onslaught of wedding superstitions I've been forced to rationalize to certain Grandma Brady-like people as my wedding draws near.
Apparently not giving into wedding day superstition is like committing some criminal act, so I want to be sure we've covered them all.
Here are a few of my favorites and my thoughts on each:
For good luck and a lifetime of pleasant relations with the bride's parents, it is tradition for the groom to honor his future mother-in-law with a diamond when he presents the engagement ring to his future bride-I can't wait to tell Mom…she'll be thrilled!
It is bad luck for any other dress to be longer than the bride's-I guess I need to add a ruler to my trousseau.
If the groom's mother throws an old shoe over the new bride as they leave the ceremony, the bride and the mother-in-law will be friends forever-Wedding or no wedding, if anyone throws anything at me at anytime, I will throw it back.
When you and your husband toast your new life together, you must smash the glasses you toast with so they are never used for a better purpose-I have rented the toasting glass and am sure there will be an extra charge for this.
The spouse who goes to sleep first on the wedding night will be the first to die-Great and I foolishly thought I'd get some rest after the wedding.
It's unlucky to have a widow at the wedding-So now I have to uninvite half of my relatives?
Like the death of dear Aunt Polly, I will feel no guilt for disregarding these and many other superstitions on my wedding day. And if my superstitious foes are opposed, maybe I can throw an old shoe at, I mean over, their head to make them be my friend again.